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..thetruthis..

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(Someday, I will)

[02 Apr 2008|02:26am]
I hate my roommates.

I wish I could just evict them. But alas I can't. I am so over their late night escapades, in fact this journal entry is a direct result of them being loud inconsiderate assholes. All I wanna do I sleep right now and there in the living room drinking like a bunch of fucking high schoolers. Its pathetic really. I have come to the realization that none of them have lives. They all have dead end jobs in the service industry and pretty much live to ruin my life.
The walls in this house are way too thin. All I can really do is just smoke a cigarette and hope that they will pass out soon. I have talked to them twice and I really think that they just don't give a fuck.


Well you know what. NEITHER DO I.

(Someday, I will)

[26 Mar 2008|01:19am]
dependency, darling dearest.

(Someday, I will)

[14 Mar 2008|11:19pm]
just as i had presumed,
so shall it be.
the voice in my head,
in perfect french said

hold on tight.
the mechanics of our lives.
this subsequent cresendo, and the later day.

it smothered my dreams
and carried them away.

(Someday, I will)

i got nothing [14 Mar 2008|02:18am]
Today was a good day.

I got a job.
I did the dishes.
saw some old friends,
and fell back in love
with leading my most
authentic
life.

it feels good to be productive.

Although, dispite all this
lately, when i close my eyes,
I keep seeing dollars
assimilate into euros.
i speak in complete fluency.
and it all becomes possible
to drop it all, and run.

if i squint hard enough,
the space needle will be
the eiffel tower, for now.

i realize now,
we are all machines
on a massive maddening dash
to our death.

in the mean time,
i'm waiting for it
to be.

(Someday, I will)

[03 Mar 2008|01:35am]


I wish I could understand what happened between us.
all I want is to wake up knowing you're glad I still exist.

(2 Epiphanies | Someday, I will)

things[i]amnot [03 Dec 2007|06:40pm]
[ mood | guilty ]

i am not,
these things
these clothes I wear,
my hair

i am not,
this pot
this brain
this life, insane.

i am not,
cigarettes
a marionette
this regret

i am the one thing, I always seem to forget.

(Someday, I will)

Family [22 Nov 2007|01:21pm]
[ mood | indifferent ]

I am thankful that none of you are apart of my life.
Like a lightbulb, you turned me on to the undeniable fact that,
I don't truly know the people I love(d),
no one does.
You sure don't fucking know me anymore.

When push comes to shove, I never really knew you people.
All of you always withdrew, that was the (")proper(") thing to do.
Its okay, cause, (ha.) I have no desire to.
I'm through.

I shiver as a sip my Martinelli's
thinking about what (was) my life
with you people.
realizing I have so much to be thankful for
the walls, this floor.
There's no reason to keep score.
I have other's who truly adore me.

The fact that you are all my blood,
isn't my qualm.
it's that my life, is small
comparitively (to you)
and your morbidly large palm.

Today, I am glad.
I am envoking something within myself.
and putting you (all) back up on the shelf.

(Someday, I will)

::Clears Throat:: [22 Nov 2007|10:38am]
[ mood | calm ]



It's funny, how these laws of color helped us discover, each other...Collapse )

(1 Epiphany | Someday, I will)

wow. [25 Sep 2006|02:13pm]
I'm moving to seattle in a month and 4 days or something...

(Someday, I will)

God, i hate schools [22 Jun 2005|04:52am]
So.
I am graduated.
I am going to MCAD
I am going to transfer into MICA in the spring.

..............
.........
...
.. sounds good to me. for once.

(Someday, I will)

3 month and a couple days [25 Feb 2005|03:28pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]

Once I get problem in my life resolved, Something else always seems to come along and fuck with the flow of events that I have set forth for myself. My car started steaming the other day, and it's gonna cost nine hundred fifty dollars to fix the manilla folder colored dyke mobile. Why the fuck do mechanics get paided so much fucking money. Its kinda redonkulous. Because of this whole car thing, all my deposits for MICA are going to have to be pushed back to a later date. I feel so overwhelmed, cause, the longer I wait to reserve my spot there, the less space there is. I am beginning to wonder if I will ever get there.

School hasn't been going all that wonderful either. I have an E in Ms. Dean's AP Lit class and an E in Alg squared (Algebra 2) which happen to be the two classes I have to pass to graduate. Why did I ever sign up for AP lit? If I wanted to prove to myself that I could be challenge and purserver, then I picked the wrong class to do it in and the wrong year to try it. On top of this, my teacher hates me cause she said, "I try to hard." Alg 2 on the other hand, I am beginning to grasp finally and that is only because I have tutoring with my teacher after school on tuesdays and thrusdays.

I am so overwhelmed.

I miss having nothing to do.

(4 Epiphanies | Someday, I will)

Taa Daa... [30 Nov 2004|11:20pm]
[ mood | blank ]

Well, lets see, this was me then.... Emily took this picture wuth my new (at the time) Minolta Maxxum 5. After she took the picture, she proceeded to sniff the inside of my camera bag, make a really weird, decheveled face and said....

                                " This camera bag smells like cigarettes and ass..."

 

And this is me now.... :: Drum Roll :: :: Anticipation ::Collapse )

(Someday, I will)

Twelve Weeks [30 Nov 2004|12:25am]
[ mood | annoyed ]

It has been twelve weeks since my last entry.... Lots of shit happened.... Not a lot of time to say it all.... Truth be told though..... I'm Back.

(2 Epiphanies | Someday, I will)

The truth about school. [05 Sep 2004|05:34pm]
[ mood | cranky ]

Rule # 1:  Believe nothing of what you hear, and half of what you see...

(1 Epiphany | Someday, I will)

Eurotrash and Heroin Sheek [29 Aug 2004|01:41pm]
[ mood | chipper ]

At seven twenty seven, the phone rang....

It was Chelsea... in the backround I heard people laughing and screaming.

I almost wet myself in excitement...

Last night was just what I needed. I was a great little present just before school starts.

I just wanted to say thanks.... I love you guys...

(3 Epiphanies | Someday, I will)

Off to Em's we go.... [24 Aug 2004|05:37pm]
[ mood | nostalgic ]

Gosh, it seems so long ago that I last saw Emily and everyone. I developed these pictures the other day...

I miss you guys...

 

MY WONDEROUSLY FANTASTICAL DAY WITH EMILY

Emily and Angel....

"Just get in the car! I mean it....."

Lipstick time...... foxy lady.... lol

We decided to go to Kelly's.... to get her.... 

Then we kidnapped Chelsea..... because we could... and because we wanted to....

So we called Jenn and pilled into two cars and went to her house. Chels and I listen to Nas and Jay-Z the whole way there. Rap is Delight.... This picture is my all time favorite picture. Thats Emily's ass in the backround, I think Jenn was trying to act like a retard, I am not quite sure, its beautiful anyway.

Kelly was really thristy for some odd reason...

Uh.... no uh no uh no ahhhhh uhhhh no ahhhh...... no.

....... Bite me .....

To end the day.... we ate ice cream.... and mine tasted like some kind of metal...  I think it was iron....

The end....

(2 Epiphanies | Someday, I will)

[23 Aug 2004|07:30pm]
[ mood | bored ]

Work today was really weird. It was dead all day. Come to think of it, I don't think I had more than two customers....

Creepy.

I can't wait for school to start. I am so bored. I need brain stimulation....

..... Bad....

 

As I looked in the MirrorCollapse )

(Someday, I will)

A week and some days [20 Aug 2004|07:44pm]
[ mood | happy ]

School starts....

 In like....

A week and some days...

I think two....

I want to curl up into a little ball....

and die....

:: Laughing out Loud ::

(5 Epiphanies | Someday, I will)

[27 Jul 2004|06:13pm]
[ mood | artistic ]

I really can't believe how much I have changed since the end of the school year. I hated the person I had become, so, thus I have been compelled to change that. 

    I started by working out every other day. I never thought that it would help my self esteem but I can't tell you how good I feel about myself as a whole now that I have started.

       Two Words... Zone Diet...

    I probably sound really corny right now, but focusing on how I think about myself for once instead of what others think has really done a lot for me. Who woulda thought... lol. Now that I feel better about who I am inside, I am working on the outside as well, cause, lets admit it, I needed a little maintanance. I bought Proactiv with my new Visa Check Card, ( Yeah that's right, Visa... I feel so cool saying, "Do you take Visa here??" ..... I am such a dork... but thats okay... lol )  and the stuff really works, I dont have any blemishes for once in my life. I bought new clothes, which, I never hardly do. Who ever said that clothes don't do anything for a person on the inside was wrong because they really make me feel like a whole different person. Its a good feeling.

   The best part about this all is that I still am the same person really, I just omitted all the qualities that I hate. Thus, as a result I just feel a shit load better, even my photography is so much better... I can't wait until school starts. Everyone is going to crap themselves. I really can't wait to show everyone how much more genuine I am... :: Large Excited Spastic Hand Gestures ::

:: Corny Moment ::

For once in my life, I feel completely whole.

............................   ..... .......... Delight ........... ......

(1 Epiphany | Someday, I will)

Thought [26 Jul 2004|01:33pm]
[ mood | anxious ]

  1. School of Visual Arts - NYC
  2. MICA
  3. Pratt Institute- NYC
  4. Cocoran
  5. Cornish

Those are my choices in order of the one I want to go to the most.

I have my porfolio ready, that all taken care of.

Now all I have to do is make an appointment to show my portfolio to SVA in NYC.

.......... :: Breath ::

I'm so ready for this college thing to come.

I can't wait anymore.

I'm gonna die in anticipation.

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